Whew! I made it back.

So, I have returned from the party weekend at the resort with my crew and I have to tell you: once I settled into the madness, it really wasn't bad at all. Yes, I missed my love with all of my heart and, yes, I wanted to come home and spent a great deal of time texting and playing with my phone. But part of me is a nerd and a gadget lover, so I have to give into that from time to time.

We enjoyed the resort and I damned near drowned in 2'8" of water during our quest down the lazy river, but it was fun! It is so cool for a group of 11 folks to get together without drama and arguments and just act like kids. I think that is what I will take away from that weekend. I also learned that temptation is more than plentiful, but the great majority of that is the temptation in your mind. We played all of the usual games that we do monthly and the worst thing that happened to me was that I ended up getting dared to kiss my attractive friend who happens to be the city's hottest cop. Just my opinion... It would have been even hotter if I had on librarian gear and he was wearing his uniform, but that -- my people -- is a different matter.

I managed to finish the trip and get home last night to take my daughter to get ice cream and read at Borders. And as if that couldn't get any better, my love and his daughter met us at Borders. Sugar fix? Taken care of. Missing my love? Resolved. Escape from the mini-vacation not thinking any less of myself? Check.

Life is good.

Staying in Your Lane

My granny says that if you follow your mind, you won't go wrong. Over the years, I've found that her words have never led me wrong.

So here it is... I've found the man that I've waited my whole life for and the issue is that I have a whole side of my life that I have to suppress. My friends and I get together every month with a crew of guys and have a game night.

Concept seems innocent enough, but the reality is quite the opposite. So, as I've become increasingly attached to the man I'm with, I have found myself conflicted about spending time at games night.

Now here we are on a mini vacation with the whole crew and my man is trusting that I am on a retreat with my girls. I don't think I can continue to lie by omission. It doesn't make me feel good. I'm trying to be good this weekend. Distancing myself from the craziness and sexually-charged energy.

But I'm going to be doing some mental unpacking about why I have chosen to come here knowing that I would spend the weekend dodging the boys because I know that I have something better at home.

Someone that I want to wear my ring. So why do this to myself? How old am I and what the hell am I trying to prove? And prove it to who?

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And then there was tea...

Can you believe it? I'm in love. The first time that we went out, we sat across from each other gazing intently as if our lives depended on seeing behind the other's eyes. We had coffee, held hands, hugged as if we'd never see one another again and then we kissed.

We kissed at a little jazz venue named Cliff Bell's in Detroit and nothing has been the same since. When we kissed, the whole world disappeared and it was just us. That is how it still is.

He is amazing. He makes me laugh. He loves his children. He works hard and will be an awesome spouse. I am claiming that for myself because I love him so much that I cannot imagine going back to my regularly scheduled life without him. What a difference not settling makes.

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