All I Needed to Know About Life, I Learned Before Kindergarten

I think that most lessons that I needed to learn for life, I learned by Kindergarten.  I did not go to preschool. I stayed instead at my grandmother's house while my newly single mom worked. I watched The Young & The Restless. I watched Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street. I practiced counting with my good friend The Count from Sesame Street and I learned shapes and colors from my granny.

I learned that you cannot make a square peg fit into a round hole. If it does not fit, you cannot force it. I believe I picked that up on Sesame Street.  Or maybe that was from the game Perfection. I cannot really be sure.

I learned that only one person should talk at a time otherwise no one was being heard. I also learned by watching my mom then nothing is more important than taking care of your household first. That means it all I do is dedicated to my daughter. Anything else that comes along falls in line after that. If that is a problem for anyone, then they can continue on about about their way. I put nothing in front of my house because no one would foresake theirs for me.

I also learned by Kindergarten that I like to play outside. I liked to play with other kids. I liked dirt. I enjoyed playing with Barbies.  Therefore I learned to cultivate a variety of interests. I don't rely on one person from my source of entertainment or my connection to the world. It becomes really sad to me when people don't have any outside interests other than their significant other or spouse.

So with these things in mind, I have come to assess the state of my relationship. If you must choose between me and someone else -- by all means -- pick the other person. I am not a choice to be made. You just don't happen upon people like me every day.

This is your life & there's no sleepwalking allowed

I always find shards of my life entertaining.  My daughter came to me and informed me that for Halloween, her school asked that students wear a shirt that indicates their chosen college.  Bear in mind that we are talking about the college leanings of an 8 year old.  :)  Anyhow, she lets me know that she needs a Spelman College shirt and instantly, I am flashed to the 17-year-old me moving into my dorm room at Spelman's Howard-Harreld Hall on the second floor.  How I wished I had stuck it out and -- from time to time -- it plain haunts me.  I regret leaving in the second year of my stay there.

I was haunted that morning and into the afternoon when I pined away for greener pastures behind the gates of Spelman College.  I spent the day assessing my life and wondering where it would all lead me.  My career as a librarian has stalled out.  When I walked across the stage at 24 having received my Master's, I remember the longing to rise.  I was already a Librarian I at a suburban library.  I dreamed at the time of becoming an Assistant Manager, but that was not to be at that place, so I set my sights on a library that offered more opportunities.

So, here I sit.  Monday will mark my 35th birthday.  I became that Assistant Manager I dreamed of.  Then I became the Manager that I sought out to become and then...  Well, that is where it seems to escape me.  Somehow along the way, I stopped dreaming and envisioning something better.  I could blame it on the death of my mom, which would be a logical out.  But the truth of the matter is I settled into this complacency long before that ever happened.  I digress...

On Thursday, I spent the afternoon volunteering to arrange the library's Friends book sale items and was all prepped for the dust and cobwebs that would mar my clothing and hair.  When what should I discover as I set out to arrange the Black biographies?  The book by Spelman College's first Black female president Johnnetta B. Cole.  Hmmm.  I could say maybe this is a sign of something greater...  As I continued my quest to make the section more inviting, I stumbled across a worn copy of The Story of Spelman College.  I could say at this point, someone is trying to communicate a very clear message to me.  But then it was certain as I continued working only to find the text for Spelman's required African Diaspora & the World class.  That was it.  I would be blind and lying to myself if I said that it wasn't clear to me at this point.

So today, I have decided to create my five year plan because in just five years, I will be looking at 40 and there will need to be change and progress.  Otherwise, I'm not living and breathing.  I can't just sleepwalk through the next five years of my life.  I often tell my daughter to walk with purpose.  This time, I am listening to my own advice.  I must walk boldly with purpose into the next five years.  No sleepwalking allowed.  :)