What happened to the days we didn't settle?

Yes, my people I have returned. I took a brief sabbatical to shake some stuff around in my head. There were issues with everything: the job, my daughter's dad, etc. Sometimes the ass just drops out of everything and there you are holding the pieces, trying to look normal.

I applied for a promotion at work. I knew I could get it. I'm a librarian's librarian. I love children's programming. I enjoy the thrill of tracking info down. What more can I say? And the probability was looking excellent. There were three Librarian III gigs and three of us applied, but at the interview, I was stunned. Suddenly, there was only one job and three of us fighting and rolling around on the floor for it. I didn't scratch hard enough, LOL, so I remain a Librarian II until the next go round.

Then the drama...

You give up on love and settle. Sometimes it just happens.

I look at my cousin and her husband and they love each other. They really do. I see it when they talk about one another. When they play with their children. In their freedom to be themselves with each other. Why don't I have that I wonder...

Sure, my little one's dad is attractive, but it really stops there. He turned abusive and just couldn't loosen the reigns. I want you to know that I'm not some shivering waif in the forest and I've never been anyone's "victim." This can happen to anyone. I've got not one, but two degrees, a home and a Volvo, to boot. I say this all to say that there are the stereotypes that say a battered woman is uneducated and dependent on her mate. Bullshit!

I'm smart and funny, but somehow I became a target on his rage. Suddenly, I tipped around on eggshells in my own home. The power came to me when I stopped being afraid. Stopped seeing him as out of control. Each movement was controlled be it the yelling or the hitting. He has to take ownership of that.

I ponder these things to say what happened to the days when we didn't settle, were uncompromising even about what we expected in our mates? Where are the days of the real men who supported their families and kept their hands to themselves? Was there ever such a time or was it just that women then didn't speak out? Were they just settling, too?

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